I grew up in a world of pain.. A place consumed by darkness and shame.
Sexual abuse. Physical trauma.
A wasted smoked smelled lady called mama.
I can’t escape the agony.
can’t get it out of my mind. Those memories are not welcome.
But they are with me all the time.
I was 12 when she disappeared and left me all alone
Out on the streets, a little boy, all cold without a home
Then foster care and bullying and sadness to no end.
It is like I was born into quicksand. I would crawl out
To be pulled in again.
I cannot see the light.
Maybe I should just give up the fight.
Maybe I could start over with a new life , one with a better childhood.
One with bedtime stories.
One where I thought I could
Become whatever I wanted.
One where I believed in me.
One where I did not hear I was a loser,
One where I was not the debris.
The scum at the bottom of the gutter.
All broken inside. A place where I was whole and alive.
But let’s be real.
This is the only life I have ....and there are no second chances.
It is up to me to climb out of this hole no matter the circumstances.
I will fight, I won’t sleep, I will not let evil win. I will find every bad memory
- and take a rock and pound it in. I will crush it all till it is dust. Squeeze out the
- emptiness. Build a solid mountain of dreams. I will rise above the ashes
- I will find hope, love, and kindness...to shed away my past. I will run, I will
- jump, will soar to happiness. .......words by Rhonda Barber