<![CDATA[rhondabarberart.com - Blog]]>Tue, 27 Jun 2017 01:45:30 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[I thought I knew]]>Tue, 08 Nov 2016 03:04:17 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/i-thought-i-knew2Picture
I thought if he loved me I would be happy.
I thought if he loved me I would be worthy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I thought if I made the team I would be happy.
I thought if I made the team I would be worthy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I thought if I was not gay I would be happy.
I thought if I was not gay I would be worthy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I thought if I was thin I would be happy.
I thought if I was thin I would be worthy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I thought if I made more money I would be happy.
I thought if I made more money I would be worthy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I thought if I made straight A's I would be happy.
I thought if I made straight A's I would be worthy
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy
I thought if they understood I would be worthy.
I thought if they understood I would be happy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I thought that my family , my boss, my teachers, my friends, my enemies, my skin, my society defined me.
I thought they determined my self worth, my right to be  happy.
I realized all I needed was to believe I was worthy.
I realized all I needed was to allow myself to be happy.
I am not imperfect. I am unique.  I am individual. I am me!
We all have our differences. We all have self worth. We all deserve happy.."
my thoughts for today.  Ms. Rhonda

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<![CDATA[Shelter]]>Wed, 19 Oct 2016 17:37:35 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/shelterLast year I wrote this poem on Christmas eve.
Recently,
a young teen came into my tent at a local art
festival.  She lingered for a while and
was mesmerized by this piece.
She then told she could relate to the the
whole shelter scene. Hugging me with tears.
The fact that we connected on some level for a moment was a
gift in itself.
I felt thankful  for the opportunity to could give her a print.
Picture
"So I am here..., in a shelter...emergency care.   My family is unsafe...I ended up here.  All alone...the holidays.  Why me?  Why can't I open presents and just be ....like other kids....but I am here instead.
I can't erase my memories.  the nightmares I see
when I am still awake.  I am lonely.   I am cold and shivering.   I am  just a child, it is not right. 
but it is my reality.  My reality.  I can't sugar coat it .
..It is ugly.   It is where I am......I have no support.  I have no friends.
Wishing for another life won't fix my problems.  Each day I decide I will be strong.  I will be somebody...I will belong.  I will hold my head up high...I will fight...
.I will be free ...I will control my destiny.  Each day  I will move forward...and figure it out.
I say I am strong.......but do I believe that??   I say I am worthy..but do I believe that??
  The truth is I don't think that I matter.  I don't think I can fight.  but it is the only way I can see the light.   So I tell my self again and again      I can do this.  No one else can fix my life.
I can do this.   I can do this!!!!  I will make myself see. ....I will fight.
  actually...I am better than them.
Cause I would never hit my kid or expose them
to things they should never experience.    I will be a mom that will
make cookies and tucks her kids in.   I will  do this .....I will keep moving forward and try.
I don't know why    my lpast was unfair..but it does not   matter..       I do not care. 
  I will not be them..   I won't let them win.  I would never abandon     my family.  I will help my kids with homework even though I can barely read..   I will grasp...I will endure   I will bleed..!!!       .
where ever I came  from..  I won't forget.  I wont let my self because I don't ever want to go back there...I am better than that.  I can do this.... Yes...
I can do this.....    words and drawing  by Rhonda Barber

Bless all of those
young soldiers out there fighting to believe in themselves in spite of lives circumstances.
Rhonda



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<![CDATA[Broken Pieces]]>Sun, 16 Oct 2016 01:19:09 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/broken-piecesPicture
"Last night I dreamt
the stars were falling
just for me.
In Slow motion so I could see
their
Wonder.
I understood what they had Endured .
I remembered their story,
Their destiny
I realized they were
Broken pieces
just like me.
In the midst of darkness
They held on to
Beauty.


Last Night I dreamt the stars were falling
just for me.
They felt my pain.
    Across  time.
Beyond infinity. 
They came to rescue me.
     To reveal hope,
To unveil my purpose.
They made me see
that  for me to shine fully
I had to accept all of me.
even my flaws, my insecurities.
I was worthy

I was unique. I needed to be brave enough
to believe in m
e." 
words and sketch rhondabarberart




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<![CDATA[I wish]]>Mon, 19 Sep 2016 11:26:32 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/i-wishPicture
“I wish I could control my heart.
For then.
I would not feel the pain.
I would not feel the emptiness.
I would not regret
taking that chance
On love
to love again.
I would not wish I did or said
or did not do that
Thing.
That brought me to where
I am at. 

abashed and embarrassing.
I wish I could make my heart go numb.
So I could only feel
what was safe.
No disappointment or shame.
I would not feel what used to be
Or what could have been.
I would just feel what made sense
Inside my head.    

I would feel what others
expected.
I would go through life
protected.

But love
It cannot be forced
It cannot be controlled
or understood.
It is too deep,
To be earned or bought.
It is too rare

to come along
Often
It is a bond
That is beyond comprehension.
It is what we live for
somewhere deep within.
It is
What we yearn for.
It is magic, it is chemistry,
A silent connection,
A woven spell.
A gift that only
our hearts can feel. 
It is pure,  It is Kind,
It is Passion
 It is worth every moment, every breath.
 Embrace it when it comes along.

For how ever long it lasts.
Take that chance to feel
Risk it all…put up no stops…

Be vulnerable, be bold
Release your heart.
Don’t live your life.
Expecting  less
Live it expecting the very best.” 


words and painting  rhondabarberart










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<![CDATA[On my knees]]>Sun, 31 Jul 2016 21:37:11 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/on-my-knees]]><![CDATA[4 walls ]]>Sun, 24 Jul 2016 18:08:52 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/4-wallsPicture
"I live in a room with 4 walls.  The windows are covered in A Dense fog.It is Safe in here but I can't feel....
The difference between what is Fake and Real.
Racing thoughts, I want to forget.  A swamp of pain and Emptiness.  I cannot get to the shore.  Like quicksand in here. Pulling me
down.  I look for the door. It is a maze. A hall of mirrors.
I cannot find myself.  I see me but I am a shadow, barely there.
I am nothing, They taught me that. A hopeless teen.
I Search for the light switch To turn off my brain. 
But my flashbacks are all I can see.  I can't get away.  They Rain down on me.  I am DROWNING in my sorrow.
Treading against the current, sucked towards the drain.  BUT I MUST FIGHT TO FACE THIS WORLD TO LIVE AGAIN.   Because these 4 walls also
KEEP OUT the good things.  I KICK, I SCREAM, I THROW THINGS,
POUNDING, STRIVING TO BREAK FREE. Free from myself, to find myself, to be Someone,  to be SOMETHING!!
Every Day I become stronger.  I may falter, I may be wounded.. But I will get back UP.  I will SUCCEED. My issues I will deal with.  My problems I will Solve.   I owe that to myself.  MY past will not DEFINE me.  You see.  It is crowded in here with all these memories.  I Don't want YOUR Sympathy.  I want belief, I want support, I want respect, that is what I need.  I am ready to face ME  So I am leaving this room. 
I am moving forward to find a new reality."
   words and painting copyright  rhondabarberart

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<![CDATA[Won't Break Me]]>Tue, 31 May 2016 18:47:39 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/wont-break-mePicture
Here I am again in the middle of things..  In trouble because others Bully Me.  
I get expelled and they get off Scott Free.  Why can't they just Leave
Me be?   Everyday they call me names,
They hit me and push me down. Laughing as they stea1 my
things?   I am Worn down.  I Fight Back....then
The teachers run to their Rescue.......As If........All the times they picked on me,
Never happened????
I wish I knew what to do.  Life is Not Fair.I can't change my circumstances.....BUT THEY WON'T BREAK ME!!!!
CAUSE I AM BETTER THAN THEM..  I am everything they are not.
and ALL THEIR TORTURE IS MY PREPARATION FOR THE AWESOME
LEADER I  AM MEANT TO BE.!!!!! 
With each Word, each Blow, and each Tear I become stronger inside with NO more FEAR.......only Sheer Determination to be the best Man I can be...Strong, above your pettiness......Thank you Bullies, you cant touch this!!"
  words and sketch by Rhonda Barber

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<![CDATA[The Dance]]>Tue, 26 Apr 2016 05:26:16 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/4Picture
"They surrendered to Her Spell. 
They Fell....Deeply Until they were
Lost in Her Abyss
Her Waves,  
Her Current,
S
wept them under and
She was their Breath...
She carried them deeper
into another space, a distant place.....
The Stage, the Dancers, the Crowd were as one, yet separate, and in between.  Mystical, surreal,  like in a dream.   Embraced, absorbed,
Within her energy.  
Her tide released them,  Only to draw them in again.
Intertwined, immersed in perpetual motion.
The Dance had a Life of her Own.........
She rose up to the surface to gather light in the
Sea's foam.   She took its warmth and
lifted them beyond this Earth...
Renewing them....Changing them forever...
Granting Birth......
The Dance cast her spell.....and
for a moment frozen in time.
True magic was Real...".
words and drawing by Rhonda Barber Art


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<![CDATA[Step Dad]]>Tue, 29 Mar 2016 04:14:17 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/step-dadPicture
They said I can’t control my anger.  It is true.  Violence is all I ever knew. 

 I do get mad and out of control.

  I hate that I am becoming what I hate the most….

My step dad he picks on me and knocks me around.

He tells me I am worthless and puts me down.

My mom is scared of him and she ignores it all.

She walks away…. even when I am being slammed against a wall.

She says it is my fault, cause I aggravate him.

She needs his paycheck and a roof over our heads.

I would leave but I have a little sister and well she is my world.

If he goes after her…that is when I fail.

To control myself

I Fight for her.

 I take the blow.

The pain stings my skin.  But he comes

After me and not her.

So for now I win.

I bite, I swing, I throw things.  The room starts to spin.

 Everything goes dark…I fall to the floor.

 I awake to a knock at the door.

The police are here.    and I am charged with assault.

Really Me?    I am the one with the problem?

Who is the adult?

They handcuff me and take me away.

I see my little sis as the cops drive away.

She waves through the glass and I pray she is ok.

I am almost 16 what can I do?

Something has to change.

How can I fix this?    I wish I knew.

I have to try.  My step dad can’t win.

I will figure a way out of this situation.

I will get a job and save cash.

The pain from his evil I will leave in the past.

I will work to get good grades so to have a better future.

My sister and I will break the chain of this torture.

We will endure and be better, stronger, and happy.

I will be my own self.  I won’t be angry. 

 I decide who I am.

I will become myself in spite of my foundation.

I am here to make my destiny.  I am free.

 My step dad is just an obstacle

He is unworthy,

but I am better than him…I will fight, I will believe

I am a warrior,  I am a knight.

I will have a life that is worthy and kind
and just.
My sis and me will make....happiness...



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<![CDATA[space between the cracks]]>Sun, 17 Jan 2016 05:11:04 GMThttp://rhondabarberart.com/blog/space-between-the-cracks]]>